I’m setting a time limit of 30 minutes for writing this morning and I’m going to try some fiction. Here goes:
“So, how’s your coffee? I’m savouring every sip of mine. It’s absolutely delicious.” A fleeting pleasure – I love my daily coffee.
“You sound a bubble off, what’s on your mind?” It’s difficult not to take his gruff response personally. Heck, I’m the one with two months left, according my oncologist. My future really must be that bleak, the doctor’s don’t even question my requests to increase my pain meds anymore. How can he be the one having a bad day? Regrettably, pain and bitterness increasingly leach into my these days.
“The divorce paperwork arrived this morning. All that’s left to do is write my signature and it’s all over with Leanne.”
We’ve just found each other after decades of being apart and this is what he’s thinking of? Leanne? He’s given her a house, two beautiful children (now grown) and a Mercedes. What the hell else does he want to give her? My last few days on earth? Selfishly, I feel like time is vanishing and despite how much I want to treasure each moment I have with him, the days continue to rapidly slip by. And this is what we’re talking about. Leanne. Bitch.
“I’m going back inside. You can come visit me later if you’d like, but I may be asleep. I’m feeling very tired today.” My inner growl is beginning to come to the surface more frequently. I’m starting to push people away.
“What I’d like to do is to go away. Together. What do you think of Mexico?”
“Steven, I’m too sick to travel. I’d love to, but it’s just not in the cards. Try as we might, we just can’t run away from our problems.” I’d give anything for the option to run away from cancer. Wouldn’t that be nice? Take a vacation away from it…
“Heather is stopping by with the kids this afternoon… do you want to meet them?” My daughter and my darling grandchildren will stop by as usual on their way home from daycare. I can hardly bear to think of leaving them behind. But the pain is getting to be unmanageable. It has now become such a big part of my day that I have difficulty focusing on the people I love.
Ding! My 30 minutes is over. Time’s up!