I’ve lost my way with the new guidelines for keeping my relationship intact with Daniel and Andy. I’ve found myself slipping back into old, not-so-pleasant, habits. So, I need to revisit the guidelines:
1. Whenever possible, use STRUCTURE and RITUAL to impose order on behaviour.
2. ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY for doing what is in the best interests of the child and for keeping them out of trouble.
3. Always treat the child as if THEY WANT TO BE GOOD FOR YOU.
4. BRIDGE all problem behaviour and resulting discipline.
5. Always attempt to COLLECT BEFORE YOU DIRECT.
6. DEFUSE COUNTERWILL by hiding your agendas and drawing attention to a meaningless choice.
7. SCRIPT THE BEHAVIOUR of the immature.
8. DON’T OVERWORK the incident.
– Address the violation simply
– Bridge the problem behaviour
– Attempt to change or control the situation, not the child
– Set a date to debrief or address the problem
– Exit sooner rather than later
– Collect the child and do your work when you can keep the attachment intact
9. INFUSE FUN into the activity you wish to happen.
10. Walk confrontations with futility all the way to TEARS OF SADNESS.
11. SOLICIT GOOD INTENTIONS to inculcate values, prime a sense of responsibility, and sow the seeds of self-control.
12. When capable of mixed feelings, draw out the TEMPERING ELEMENT in the context of the troubling impulses. (I’m not sure what the tempering element means yet – will have to investigate further. Perhaps borrow DVD from library)
Whew, that’s quite a list isn’t it? It looks daunting, but let me say – it works.
But how on earth is my little pea-brain going to remember all of them? I can hardly remember where I live most days, let alone a list of twelve items. Way back, in a previous lifetime when I attended school, I used to memorise lists by repeatedly writing out whatever it was I was studying, each time I would make the item of study smaller and smaller, eventually contracting it down to a group of letters, a word, or a shape. When exam time came around I could just picture my notes and the information would come to mind. It’s been a while since I’ve repeatedly handwritten anything, but perhaps I should try my old tried-and-true method once more.
If I’m seem walking with an empty stroller, holding onto a small tatty piece of paper and mumbling to myself it’s not because I’m slightly deranged, I’m probably just on my way to pick up the boys and trying to memorize the guidelines along the way.