Low doesn’t begin to describe my mindset over the past week. Yesterday was especially depressing.
“Don’t look it up online. No matter what you do, don’t look it up online.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that. Have I listened? Nope. In my curiosity I went online to check out the MS clinic to which I’ve been referred. It looks like a support system for people with MS (not surprisingly given its name). BUT I HAVEN’T BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH MS!!!!! Pardon me, but: WHAT THE HELL!! I don’t want to sit in a circle and commiserate, I don’t want to know how to deal with MS. I don’t want to meet the people working there (I’m sure they’re all very pleasant, but I don’t wanna – can’t make me). I don’t want to know anything about it yet. I don’t want to walk through their doors – thank-you very much. Yikes, did I say those things?
Perhaps, after checking out the MS clinic website, sending my neuro-opthamologist an email asking questions to which I don’t think he has the answers, wasn’t my best decision yesterday. He hasn’t even responded and I know he’s in his office today. What am I to do? Wait? Hang tight? Sit quietly with my hands crossed on my lap like a good girl? Bullshit. Those of you who know me, know that I’m utterly incapable of just waiting without taking any action. Patience is not one of my virtues.
I need inspiration.
Recently on Mennonite Girls Can Cook, a blog that I follow, one of the contributors discussed dealing with daily problems, both large and small. Here are some points I’ve gleaned:
1. Realise that a problem free life is an unrealistic and false expectation. It sounds very negative, but it’s true. Troubles will happen. Life is still rewarding and full of joy even with the problems that come our way.
2. Begin each day anticipating problems and at the same time mentally prepare for them. When problems are expected, they won’t blindside me. I don’t want to sound like a pessimist, but consider this: a tree that has been buffeted my many storms is prepared to suffer through many more. If a tree has led a sheltered and quiet life, it will fall in the lightest storm that first comes its way. I am the strong, prepared tree. I’m in the middle of a tempest right now and frankly, I’m okay. I’m still standing tall.
3. Consider troubles with a thankful heart. View a problem in a positive light instead of seeing it as a negative. I can choose to hit the panic button or to be thankful that I have the opportunity to take a deep breath and calmly assess the situation. Take my current situation for example: I am choosing to be thankful that some of my sight has returned and to think positively that it will continue to return. I am thankful that I’ve been able to see the specialist and have all of the necessary tests performed in a timely manner. I am thankful that I’m surrounded by people who care about my well being and continue to support me. I am thankful that I have a sense of humour about my situation. And so on… Choosing thankfulness changes my perspective.
Well, I’m feeling a little better now. I’m going to make some phone calls and see what I can do about my situation. I’m not angry, not ticked off. I’m glad that I’m able to make the calls myself, that I can still have some amount of control over my life. I can deal with this, it’s not so difficult. Day by day, problem by problem.