The exhaustion has passed – thank goodness. I still feel rather tired, but I’m sure that’s just because I haven’t been working out or walking as much as usual. When back in the regular swing of things I’m sure I’ll feel better.
Happily, I think my vision has maintained itself at 85%. While a little greedy in hoping that it would return to 100%, I don’t think that will happen. While I miss a few things (how deep the water is in the wading pool, the subtle differences between similar flowers) I rejoice in the many things that have returned (whole airplanes, birds, turn signals, and so on). While I quake in my shoes every time my vision diminishes; like lights becoming extra sparkly, or greyness beginning to descend. I’m starting to understand that if these temporary setbacks last less than 24 hours, I’m not to worry. They’re “pseudo” relapses. Following is an excerpt from MedHelp’s website:
People with an early and very mild course may be entirely without symptoms at all most of the time. If they become overheated or extremely fatigued they will notice the appearance of symptoms they have had before. If these symptoms last less than a day, then the sources that I have read would refer to this appearance of symptoms as a “pseudo-exacerbation” or a false relapse. For people with more constant symptoms, they may also notice marked variations of the intensity of symptoms or re-appearance of old symptoms with over-heating and overexertion/fatigue. These episodes are typically brief and resolve with cooling off or resting. These would also be considered to be pseudo-exacerbations
As I haven’t been sleeping well lately, I suppose that a fair portion of my pseudo-relapse can be attributed to being constantly overtired. Recently, I’ve been laying awake wondering about who I can find to take care of the boys for a couple of weeks while Liz is recovering from her long-awaited surgery. It is weighing heavily on me. I don’t know what we’ll do if we don’t find someone soon.
I continue to be in complete denial about possibly having MS. Really, they (traditional medicine) will have to prove themselves. Even then, I may not believe it. Of course I will follow their recommendations and behave myself, but I won’t be a meek and mild little lamb accepting everything. Life will carry on to the best of my abilities and I will steadfastly refuse to let MS own me. Also, I have high expectations of my treatments with Dr Blaney. While I understand he may not be able to cure what ails me, he may at least be able to get my immune system back in line to the point where it won’t over-react too much and leave my body alone. Mentally, I beat myself up enough – I don’t need my immune system beating me up as well. Ha!
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