In a Fog

Do you ever feel like you’re in a fog? All day? Well, I’ve been in a fog for a few days now, both in real life (it’s been really foggy here) and mentally.

Just yesterday morning I pulled into my usual parking spot along the roadway at work. Wham! Up and over the curb I went… After what felt like my van being jolted into oblivion, it came to rest in its normal spot alongside the curb. Sheesh! Hopefully I hadn’t frightened the person walking nearby. I fully expected to see a bashed-in rim and a flat-as-a-pancake tire when I finally overcame my own embarrassment and got out to have a look. Luckily, only the wheel cover sustained any damage, it looked a little mangled. Sheepishly, I went into the office and promptly forgot all about my mishap.

This is what happens when my mind is elsewhere, trying to grapple with other issues. Clearly my focus wasn’t on parking. You see, I’ve been having a very difficult time, emotionally, over the last couple of weeks. An uncomfortable conversation with someone I had known and trusted for years had left me feeling betrayed, let down, angry and lost. I don’t want to get into details, but I felt crushed. Try as I might, I just haven’t been functioning very well since that day. I have tried to keep my head together, to face my troubles with grace, but it just isn’t working. The harder I try to appear my usual self, the more difficult it is to keep things together. It feels like the fabric of my life is unravelling, falling apart in my own hands.

There I go again, dwelling on that conversation. My mind just won’t let it go.

So, back to my poor van… Returning at the end of the workday to the van, my heart skipped a beat or two at the remembrance of my encounter with the curb. Will the van be safe to drive, or will it wobble and swerve? Will the brakes still work? Happily, everything seemed to be in working order. Good, because who has time to deal with vehicle troubles? Self inflicted or otherwise.

Today I managed to pull into my spot without incident. Slow and steady.

So, perhaps my “take away” from this less-than-pleasant experience is that if I focus on the task at hand I will at the very least gain the appearance of normalcy back and with time the negative thoughts will diminish with my mind spending less time reliving a particularly painful memory.

About Christine N

I'm married to Daryle, Mom to two wonderful boys - Daniel and Andy.
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